My brother found that he LOVES to write so we wanted to get some others opinions, please let me know what you think. I’m sure he would like to get some of your opinions. If you would like to read more let me know and I will send you some more 
Thanks for your time.
Robert Salvatore woke up to what felt like a normal day in Xenon city. A cold, dark city made completely of steel and computer technology. During a Xenon winter, the temperature could drastically change from fifty degrees below zero, to one hundred and eighty above.
He awoke to the crisp, cold, metallic air beginning to cycle through his estates oxygen filters, but he did not mind the metallic air; he had been exposed to it since he was a very young boy about the age of three. Robert tapped a flat-screened button on a panel in front of him. The bed, a sleeping capsule, slowly ejected from the wall and tilted forward for him to step out.
His home didn’t seem like it normally was. There was no smell of the androids, which every morning cooked him his food and brought it up to his room. It was hard to come by “real” food in Xenon anymore; it was all simulations and meal capsules now. Robert was rich. He had shimmering, wavy black hair with which he combed to the right. He had pale, silky white skin which seemed to glow like the moon in the dark night sky, and deep sky blue eyes, which were cold and seemed full of hate, As if he had been through much pain and suffering, causing his soul to be numb.
Robert Salvatore used to be a police officer in Xenon, a high-ranking police captain. He resigned due to cruel laws being passed that sickened him, and that would sicken anyone to see what the XCPD had done. The police officers were trained to their breaking point. They had no emotions anymore; they would arrest people within 15 feet of the police department prison stairs, they would murder someone whom was “too close” to them, or the chief. The chief, a tall, slender man about the age of 29, whom went by the title “lord” Arcus, was a cruel, harsh man. He was once a friend of Robert’s but a tragic incident happened in the marketplace one day, about two years before Robert’s resignation, where his parents, siblings, and friends were all killed during an invasion including two of Xenon’s biggest gangs. That is why Lord Arcus was such a cold, cruel, hateful man.
Upon Robert’s resignation, he solemnly swore to oppose the Xenon police. He smuggled out 150 cargo crates of high-ranking police equipment to bring to the rebel bases in the lower levels of Xenon. He sold most of the materials. He sold what ever he had in the stock market, supplies he no longer needed, and pieces of furniture and weapons he had crafted and produced himself. He paid for many years of education with the money he had earned. He learned advanced medical procedures, carpentry, programming, gunsmithing, merchanting, mechanics, and many more skills such as advanced math, etc. and quickly became the richest, most intelligent man in Xenon city.
Although he was extremely rich, he wanted more in life; much, much more.
He knew of a mine full of gold, possibly billions of dollars worth just past the police station and down the road next to it. Was he going to risk being caught near the mine and possibly get arrested? Or would he sneak out after the ten o’clock curfew set by police? The most dangerous time of the day; night, in Xenon was full of bandits, assassins, other rebels, and animals even the most powerful of police could not come to capture.
Robert decided to go and attempt to get into the mine during night. Despite the risk of being mugged, or possibly killed during pitch black of night, He knew that during an Xenon winter, nobody would ever want to go out during night anyway. The temperature on a Xenon winter’s night could reach two hundred degrees below zero. Everybody stayed inside with the nuclear heating to keep warm, and if someone did not have a home, they would go into the Xenon subway tunnels and bundle up next to a barrel they would build a fire in. Robert also knew that he could keep warm with his white silk suit with thermal plates build into it would keep him alive in the cold night air and also help him blend into the snow.
Robert just had to figure out how he was going to get into that mine. Two weeks after the first tunnel had been dug, leading to a big underground cavern, the walls covered in ice and the miners had to leave until it heated up. That night however, a rock slide appeared in front of the mine and blocked anyone from getting in. The police would not assist either, because the excuse that they were “protecting” the citizens of Xenon.
Robert knew that this was even more of a bonus. Nobody was able to get into the mine, so nobody else would be at the mine to risk meeting. That meant that there was also generators and heaters in the mine and he could keep himself warm for a long time with them. That is, if they have any fuel in the
Y!A isn’t letting me answer this.
FINALLY!!!
Do you mind if I do some editing?
Robert Salvatore woke up to what felt like a normal day in Xenon city, a cold, dark city made completely of steel and computer technology. During a Xenon winter, the temperature could drastically change from fifty degrees below zero, to one hundred and eighty above.
He woke to the crisp, cold, metallic air beginning to cycle through his estates oxygen filters, but he did not mind the metallic air; he had been exposed to it since he was a very young boy about the age of three. Robert tapped a flat-screened button on a panel in front of him. The bed, a sleeping capsule, slowly ejected from the wall and tilted forward for him to step out.
His home didn’t seem like it normally was. There was no smell of androids, which every morning cooked him his food and brought it up to his room. It was hard to come by “real” food in Xenon anymore; it was all simulations and meal capsules now. Robert was rich. He had shimmering, wavy black hair which he combed to the right. Pale, silky white skin that seemed to glow like the moon in the dark night sky, and deep sky blue eyes, which were cold and seemed full of hate, As if he had been through such pain and suffering, that his soul had become (or gone) numb.
Robert Salvatore used to be a police officer in Xenon, a high-ranking police captain (either a high ranking police officer or just a police captain- you can’t say that he was a high ranking police captain, because captain is only one type of rank, neither high or low). He resigned due to harsh laws being passed that sickened him, and that would sicken anyone that saw what the XCPD had done. The police officers were trained to their breaking point. They had no emotions anymore; they would arrest people within 15 feet of the police department prison stairs, they would murder someone who was “too close” to them, or the chief. The chief, a tall, slender man of about 29, who went by the title “lord” Arcus, was a cruel, harsh man. He was once a friend of Robert’s but a tragic incident happened in the marketplace one day, about two years before Robert’s resignation, where his parents, siblings, and friends were all killed during an invasion perpetrated by two of Xenon’s biggest gangs. That is why Lord Arcus was such a cold, cruel, hateful man.
Upon Robert’s resignation, he solemnly swore to oppose the Xenon police. He smuggled out 150 cargo crates of high-ranking police equipment to bring to the rebel bases in the lower levels of Xenon. He sold most of the materials. He sold whatever he had in the stock market, supplies he no longer needed, and pieces of furniture and weapons he had crafted and produced himself. He paid for many years of education with the money he had earned. He learned advanced medical procedures, carpentry, programming, gunsmithing, merchanting, mechanics, and many more skills such as advanced math, etc. and quickly became the richest, most intelligent man in Xenon city.
Although he was extremely rich, he wanted more in life; much, much more.
He knew of a mine full of gold, possibly billions of dollars worth just past the police station and down the road next to it. Was he going to risk being caught near the mine and possibly get arrested? Or would he sneak out after the ten o’clock curfew set by police? The most dangerous time of the day; night, in Xenon was full of bandits, assassins, other rebels, and animals even the most powerful of police could not come to capture.
Robert decided to go and attempt to get into the mine during night. Despite the risk of being mugged, or possibly killed during pitch black of night, He knew that during a Xenon winter, nobody would ever want to go out during night anyway. The temperature on a Xenon winter’s night could reach two hundred degrees below zero. Everybody stayed inside with the nuclear heating to keep warm, and if someone did not have a home, they would go into the Xenon subway tunnels and bundle up next to a barrel they would build a fire in. Robert also knew that he could keep warm with his white silk suit with thermal plates build into it that would keep him alive in the cold night air and also help him blend into the snow.
Robert just had to figure out how he was going to get into that mine. Two weeks after the first tunnel had been dug, leading to a big underground cavern, the walls covered in ice and the miners had to leave until it heated up. That night however, a rock slide appeared in front of the mine and blocked anyone from getting in. The police would not assist either, because the excuse that they were “protecting” the citizens of Xenon.
Robert knew that this was even more of a bonus. Nobody was able to get into the mine, so nobody else would be at the mine to risk meeting. That meant that there was also generators and heaters in the mine and he could keep himself warm for a long time with them. That is, if they have any fuel in the
The story seems interesting, although the jump from describing Robert to the mine is way too fast. I think some more background should be added, for that jump not to be so noticeable. Also, the suit shouldn’t be silk, it’s one of the coldest fibers known to man, and it’s a natural fiber. If there isn’t any REAL food, there shouldn’t be any REAL natural fiber either. It needs work, and a little more maturity in my opinion. Right now it sounds like a teenage action story, and the characters so far seem to be much too young to be real. All in all it’s not a bad reading experience, and with serious professional editing it could be a lot better. Hope I was helpful.
Good luck.
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